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bespectacledsloth:

all-four-cheekbones:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:

Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.

Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken.  The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.

At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates.  While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.

A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.

The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.

#I am so glad I kept reading

The number of people that aren’t reading the whole thing and are hailing it as fact make me laugh harder than the actual story.

valvala:

revengeance:

image

It begins.

Some one put jontron in time out and tell him he’s not getting chocolate milk before nap time anymore until he learns to behave

You know, blaming videogames for being sexist because of that video is not always ok. When videogames depict a specific, well-known sexist epoch, the videogame IS NOT sexist. The epoch is, the videogame just shows you how things were back in the day. Yes, they still are like that, to some degree. Yes, that is wrong. Yes, objectifying women is wrong, we can agree. Are games wrong? No, sorry, they aren’t.

agentotter:

jacobtheloofah:

no but the best part is how he got the name:

his name was originally “potatoes,” and his owner, willoughby bertie, told the stable lad who helped him to write the horse’s name on a feed bin. the boy misheard it as, literally “pot-eight-o’s” and wrote it with 8 o’s. bertie found it so funny that he kept that as the horses name.

This is the most beautiful horse-related story I’ve ever heard.

(Source: juanbercow)

Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

Hey, props on being a shitbag about what girls can and can't enjoy.

Girls can enjoy whatever they want. Why should they need to say “I LIKE THIS AND I AM A GIRL”.

In the same fashion, it would suck to see a man saying “IM A MAN AND I LIKE SPORTS”

Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

Shut the fuck up, you idiot. People like you are the reason that people think gamers are immature, misogynistic shitstains. Close your mouth, step away from the fucking keyboard, and learn to accept that some people want to have their own fucking communities, away from assholes like you.

>Communities

>tumblr

kek

Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

Holy shit, are you actually serious about that last reblog? Way to be a dick dude. No really, kudos on the whole thing.

Yes, people on internet, and even more, in tumblr is obviously 420% serious at all times.

We make Tumblr themes